05/29/2026
Yesterday, after I was done packing spices, I went to the post office and dropped off the day’s orders.
I drive home, pull into the driveway, and Joe is outside moving hostas from the side of the house to the backyard along the fence.
I walk inside and our 11-month-old puppy, Reno (huskey/german shepard mix), is having what can only be described as an emotional breakdown.
Joe is his human. Not me.
We both provide food, shelter, medical care, and emotional support – but Joe apparently also provides meaning.
Reno is standing at the back door crying because Joe is outside and he is not. So I go back outside and tell Joe:
"Reno is losing his mind. He wants to come out and hang with you while you garden."
First of all, Joe immediately corrected me.
"Landscaping."
Apparently gardening and landscaping are two completely different things, and I had accidentally insulted both professions. Then he goes:
"I had him out here for two hours. Every time I put my shovel down, he grabs it and takes off across the yard. I dig up a hosta, and he steals it. I set down a bush, and he steals that too. I can’t get anything done."
Which honestly tracks.
Weather-wise, it was a perfect late-afternoon, early-evening kind of day. So I did what any responsible adult would do.
I poured myself a large mason jar of wine (don't judge me), put on some early-2000s pop music, and headed outside to dance while Joe landscaped. Not gardened. Landscaped.
About twenty minutes later, I'm in the backyard full-on karaokeing SoulDecision's Faded.
Not singing. Performing.
At one point I was probably only three key changes away from a residency in Las Vegas. Then suddenly...WHAM.
Something shot past me and absolutely took out my left knee in the process. I hit the ground. Hard.
As I'm laying there trying to figure out what just happened, I look up and see Reno standing over me. Checking on me.
Apparently after determining I would survive, he immediately sprinted away and launched himself onto Joe's back while Joe was bent over replanting a hosta.
Joe and I both stood up, looked at each other completely confused, and simultaneously asked "Did you let him out?" at the exact same time.
Then we turned around. And that's when we saw the window fan hanging out of our second-story bedroom window. Still plugged in. Swinging gently from the power cord.
That's when we realized. Reno hadn't been let out. Reno had jumped out of a second-story bedroom window.
Ummm... Justin's Canine Campus, you may or may not remember Reno from puppy training class a few months ago.
I remember learning how to stop counter surfing.
I remember learning leash manners.
I remember learning recall commands.
What I do NOT remember is the lesson titled:
"So Your Dog Has Chosen Flight" or "My Puppy Just Yeeted Himself Out Of A Second-Story Window"
Don't worry about Reno, he's completely fine. In fact, he spent the rest of the evening living his best life playing keep-away with Joe's gardening gloves.
Landscaping gloves? Do they make landscaping gloves?
Anyway, Reno survived his brief career as a stuntman, Joe eventually got his hostas planted, and more importantly, I finished my mason jar of wine while singing Panic! At The Disco’s “I Write Sins Not Trageties.”
Anyway, if you'd like to spend your Sunday with someone whose dog defies gravity like Elphaba, I'll be hosting Josh's Jeopardy & Seasoning Show at Green Lakes Lanes this Sunday at 4pm.
We'll be there at 3:30pm registering teams.
Come win some cash, grab some spices in person so you don't have to pay shipping.