Birb Haus Roastery

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United States
Opelika, AL
Birb Haus Roastery

Roasted coffee for people who’ve made poor life choices and survived their mother in law’s opinions.

Strong enough to wake you up, bold enough to validate your bad decisions. Drink it hot, hide it from family, pretend it’s self care.
$12 for an 8oz bag.

04/04/2026

Happy Easter or something.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do.
Or do.
I'm not your mother.

02/11/2026

Unhinged Coffee Fact of the Day:

Coffee was originally chewed, not brewed.
That’s right. Ancient people looked at a bean and said, “I will simply eat this and see what happens.”

Which means somewhere deep in your DNA is a feral ancestor tweaking in a field at 3am because they discovered caffeine the hard way.

You drink it.
They survived it.
The raccoon understands this.

02/09/2026

Valentine’s Day is almost here and nothing says “I care” like caffeine instead of feelings.
Limited run. Extremely limited impulse control.

4oz bags. $6 each. Whole bean. No notes, just heat.
• 10 Dark Colombian, for people who like it intense
• 10 Medium Ethiopian Yirgacheffe, fruity but emotionally unavailable
• 10 Medium Nicaraguan, smooth, dependable, suspiciously comforting

Roasting Wednesday. Delivered Thursday.
So you can get some on Friday. Read that however you want.

Buy it for your partner.
Buy it for your situationship.
Buy it for yourself because you’re the most consistent relationship you have.

When they’re gone, they’re gone. Coffee over cuddles.

[email protected]

01/13/2026

Rachael signed up for our monthly coffee delivery and now premium beans legally show up at her house between the 1st and 3rd every month like a tiny roasted miracle.

Rachael is thriving.

You are drinking whatever cursed dust is on sale.

Be like Rachael.

$12 for 8oz. We roast. You cope.

[email protected]

01/04/2026

I made a form.
Because chaos needs structure and caffeine needs consent.

Want coffee that slaps harder than your alarm clock and ruins your ability to enjoy mediocre beans ever again?
Fill this out.

It’s fast. It’s feral. It asks questions. Some of them are judgmental in spirit.

Submit the form and I’ll roast coffee for you. Possibly roast you emotionally. Definitely send caffeine.

Click the link. Do the thing.
Worst case, you get great coffee.
Best case, your mornings stop sucking.

👉 https://forms.gle/tdXuNdo5K4k7AKsGA

NSFW warning: may contain strong opinions, strong coffee, and zero chill.

01/01/2026

HAPPY NEW YEAR YOU ABSOLUTE LEGENDS 🦝☕🎉

We survived another lap around the sun on caffeine, spite, and poor sleep habits. 2026 has arrived and it’s already asking too much of us, so naturally the solution is more coffee. Aggressively good coffee.

Birb Haus Roastery is ringing in the new year the only way we know how: roasting beans, ignoring the concept of “inside voices,” and fully enabling your caffeine dependency.

New this year: MONTHLY COFFEE SUBSCRIPTIONS.

Fresh roasted. Shows up at your door. No thinking required. Just vibes and questionable life choices fueled by excellent coffee. Like a raccoon breaking into your mailbox, but helpful.

Set it. Forget it. Wake up feral and caffeinated every month.

Here’s to 2026.
Drink coffee. Cause problems. Repeat.

12/25/2025

Merry Chrysler everyone.

12/22/2025

Should I? I think I should.

For reasons.

Address

Opelika, AL

Telephone

+13344446342

Website

https://www.hotplate.com/birbhausroastery

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