06/13/2026
🚨 OFFICIAL SUMMER ANNOUNCEMENT 🚨
After extensive research, absolutely zero peer review, and several Sky High Shakes, we’ve confirmed that:
☀️ Summer calories don’t count.
We’re not scientists, but we’re also not taking questions.
So go ahead:
🍔 Order the burger.
🍟 Get the fries.
🥤 Upgrade to the shake.
🍺 Have the b**r.
It’s summer. Go outside, walk it off or You can deal with it in September.