09/02/2026
For my fellow Massholes and beefy brothers and sisters, here is a funny read about the Famous north shore 3 way. Though I do agree with not going to Kelly's for a beef, yes, on their clam plates they where defintly my go-to after a night out.
https://www.facebook.com/share/p/1KBt5tXpHu/
Driving through Salem, I passed Kelly’s Roast Beef and immediately said, with my whole chest, “F**K NO.” 😂
Listen, I understand that roast beef sandwiches are practically a New England religion. We have had this comical conversation before so this was all the more amusing!!! People will cross state lines for a three way loaded with cheese, mayo, and barbecue sauce like they are making a pilgrimage to the Vatican of warm deli meat. I respect the devotion. I simply will not be joining the congregation. We know this, I am not interested in ### food that feels you need to be over 18 to view this meaty flapped vixen… To me, the New England roast beef sandwich is the dirty p**n star of the fast food industry. It is always photographed with its meat hanging out, absolutely smothered in mysterious fluids, and looking like it has made several questionable decisions behind a closed convenience store. Then somebody hands it to you wrapped in paper like that restores its dignity. Sir, the dignity left three sauces ago.
And the names do not help. A “three-way”? Absolutely not. I am trying to order lunch, not explain something uncomfortable with a straight face. Then you open the wrapper and this middle aged, emotionally exhausted pile of beef is sweating through the bun while mayonnaise escapes from every available opening. That is not a sandwich. That is an OnlyFans audition with the smell of onion thanks to the bun.
People keep telling me, “You have to get it with extra sauce.” Why? Is the beef thirsty? Has it been through a divorce? Does it need to be baptized? I do not want a cream pie sandwich with a baby batter beverage on the side. I wanted lunch, not evidence from an adults only crime scene.
This is not me yucking your yum. If these sandwiches bring you happiness, order the Super Beef, request all three ways, pour on enough sauce to violate several local ordinances, and live your beautiful, slippery truth. I support you. From over here. With napkins. And protective eyewear. But I will forever laugh when New Englanders begin passionately discussing roast beef. Get a funny group of people together and suddenly everyone is describing their preferred meat thickness, sauce coverage, bun firmness, and acceptable level of moisture like the Food Network accidentally merged with late night cable. 🤮 😂 ☠️
So, Feral Vibe Tribe, tell me the truth: are you worshipping at the altar of the three-way, or are you driving past with me, looking at that shameless sandwich and whispering, “Put your meat away, sir—this is a family roadway”? 😂 NO shame either way, I can’t take this topic seriously, ever!!! HAHA
