05/03/2026
The title made me defensive at first. I don't need someone telling me I'm collapsing as a parent. But I picked it up because I kept seeing the same thing in my own home and in my friends' kids, more anxiety, less resilience, and a strange kind of entitlement mixed with fragility.
Sax is a family physician and psychologist, and he's not writing clickbait. He's spent decades in practice, and his argument is simple: we've stopped parenting like adults and started treating our kids like mini-adults who can reason, self-regulate, and make good decisions. And they can't. Because they're children.
What stuck with me:
1. Kids need authority, not friendship. Sax says we've confused being "nice" with being a good parent. Your kid doesn't need you to be their best friend. They need you to set limits, say no, and mean it. When you don't, they actually feel less safe, not more.
2. The smartphone is rewiring childhood. This isn't a "phones are bad" rant. He shows real data: since smartphones became universal (around 2012-2015), rates of anxiety, depression, and loneliness in kids have skyrocketed. Not a coincidence. He's not anti-tech, but he's very pro-delay.
3. Resilience comes from failure, not from being protected. We've gotten so scared of our kids being uncomfortable that we step in constantly. Homework forgotten? We email the teacher. Friend drama? We text the other mom. Sax's point: let them struggle. That's how they grow.
4. Respect is not optional. He makes a distinction between respecting a child as a person (yes) and treating them as an equal decision-maker (no). Kids who don't learn to respect adults, teachers, grandparents, coaches, also don't learn self-respect. They just learn that no one is in charge.
5. The "self-esteem" movement backfired. We told every kid they were special and amazing regardless of effort. Now we have teenagers who crumble at the slightest criticism because they never learned to handle being bad at something first. Praise effort, not existence.
This book made me uncomfortable. That's why I'm glad I read it. I've already changed how I handle bedtime arguments, screen time, and especially how I respond when my kid says "you're so mean." I just say "yep" and move on now. Feels weird. Works better.
If you've felt like something is off with this generation of kids but can't put your finger on it, read this. You won't agree with everything. But you'll think differently tomorrow morning when your kid asks for the third cookie.
BOOK: https://amzn.to/4ujOoJN
