06/24/2026
๐จ PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT ๐จ
After careful observation, extensive research, and several questionable life choices, we have determined that this individual has exceeded the recommended daily allowance of coffee and espresso.
Effective immediately, she is hereby BANNED from all coffee-related activities. โโ
Any local coffee shops caught supplying caffeine to the suspect may be subject to excessive side-eye, dramatic disappointment, and possible pursuit by an angry breakfast crowd.
If spotted attempting to acquire espresso, please distract her with water, decaf, or a breakfast biscuit until authorities (Ashley or Martha) arrive.
This poster is issued strictly in the interest of public safetyโฆ and because we think itโs hilarious.