06/16/2026
Sound about true lol
The moment you know your day is about to go sideways in Maine is when you spot a goose standing somewhere it absolutely should NOT be. 🪿🌲💀
Not near a pond. Not out by the marsh.
Right in the middle of the Hannaford parking lot like it personally owns the coastline and half the lobster industry. 😭
In Maine, this isn’t just a bird.
This is a federally protected fog-powered menace fueled entirely by salt air, Dunkin’, and generational hostility. 🌊☕🪿
You slow down hoping it’ll move.
It doesn’t.
You tap the horn gently.
The goose slowly turns its head like you just insulted Acadia National Park in front of its entire family. 💀
You inch the car forward.
It takes ONE slow step closer to your Subaru like: “AYUH… go ahead. Try it.” 😭
Suddenly being late for work in Portland feels significantly safer than escalating the situation.
The goose just stands there.
Silent. Unbothered. Built like a retired harbor master with unresolved anger issues.
Like it’s personally offended your out-of-state license plate entered coastal territory without approval. 🪿🌲
And then it happens…
The warning sequence.
Wings spread wide. Neck extended. That prehistoric hiss echoes across the parking lot while somebody loading lobster rolls quietly backs into their vehicle and locks the doors. 💀
That’s when you realize:
this is no longer traffic.
This is maritime diplomacy. ⚓😭
Tourists think Maine wildlife means moose.
Maine residents know better.
A moose might wander away.
A goose will chase you across six rows of parked cars, through a Dunkin’ drive-thru, and halfway to the bait shop over absolutely nothing. 🪿💀
They don’t attack like normal animals.
They advance.
Slowly. Confidently.
Like tiny feathered town officials enforcing coastal parking law.
And somehow there’s ALWAYS more nearby.
Just standing there watching.
Like backup officers from the Department of Inland Fisheries and Emotional Damage. 😭
Meanwhile one old guy in a flannel carrying coffee casually walks past saying: “Yeah… they get kinda cranky this time’a year.”
SIR WHAT DO YOU MEAN “KINDA CRANKY”? 💀
So eventually you do what every Mainer learns to do:
You stop the car. You avoid eye contact. You let the goose complete whatever hostile infrastructure project it’s overseeing in the middle of the parking lot.
Because in Maine…
the goose doesn’t move for you.
You move for the goose. 🪿🌲🚗
