The art of process

18/02/2024

I have been brewing these words since last summer. Sometimes the emotions simply couldnt fathom the depth of this topic---the abuse towards women, the long and painful history, and the current welfare of women.

it was my third time visiting and passing through Almaty, Kazakhstan. I bumped into this thought and emotion provoking exhibition. I was shocked to learn that in Kazakhstan, if a girl experiences sexual assault, there wont be called as a crime if the ra**st or the offender is close relatives. There is no law protecting these women.

Also, the curator was asking crucial question about body autonamy of women. it reminded me an earlier exhibition by a journalist, showing the clothe that women were wearing while they were being r***d.

there was this general assumption, the women were being r***d because of how they dressed up. eventually those clothe were just normal daily shirt, pants, and dress.

What i found genius about this simple exhibition is that curator dressed the fake female body with white cloths that is only used for funeral. can one only feel safe when she dies?

at the end of the exhibition, I was unwrapping these white cloths with goosebumps. I felt i was burying the thousands corpses of women who decided to live a life that's unconventional, but eventually they were being outcasted, some were even killed.

The impact of the exhibition and the exchange were still creating ripples effect in me. Everytime, when i see how women doing restless shopping, feeling not enough in this blood sucking system, or seeing women paint their face as a religious ritual, struggling to looked "prettier" in order to please, to beg for affirmation, i think of the white cloth. the cloth represents death.

21/12/2023

In this season, We meet deaths, the darkness, the emptiness that we are always running away from

We connect to soil, Once-----the beautiful flowers, colorful autumn leaves, lively animals, humans bodies that dream at night, dance unders the stars are all buried there...

So my friends, It's ok to let something go, To be composted in our Loving Mother Earth. It's safe to feel that unknown again. I am in this journey with you...

I wish you all have a restful, reflective and enriching winter soltice.

18/05/2023

Writing this memoir at kelabit highland, Bario. 🐛

When rain suddenly poured down out from a sunny sky...Where people sit at the cafeteria, chatting, laughing and gossiping. Even their lives seemed idle, ambitions and great career plan are important. When a kelabit kid was being asked “what is your ambitions”, mostly would answer doctor or pilot. They did ask me about my job mostly meanwhile assuming I was a doctor (maybe only doctor dares to travel alone?)

When they pushed further about my work, I said— “I am running few projects (which is true)”

I do not expose my role openly. Partly is the annoyance of being ridiculed or misunderstood, mostly because it is the secret identity that truly encompass all of my passions and beings. (It’s like a disguised super woman)😅

That identity is—-an artist. 👻👻
Is a path that’s less travelled, yet I have never regretted it. As the creativity pursuit is precious and private, whenever I could share that passion with anyone, my heart often burst with joy and gratitude.

Throwing back the April solo exhibition.🥳

It was only an one day event but it has been rewarding and I had been ultimately grateful.

First is the a lovely lady who run the venue, Carolyn, who listened to my ventilation and shared her puppies stories. She showed me what feminine leadership is, and how she cares about people who work with/for her. She managed to organize many chores while still having a smile on her face truly amazed me.🙌🏼

Her presence wasn’t just providing moral support, she literally helped me to carry heavy things, climbed up and down to change the curtain...another woman who kept me company before, during and after the exhibition was Esther Chong, without her I would definitely feel fragmented and displaced.👏🏼

Another two amazing features are my boys, who gave me compliment “mom, this is so pretty!” And getting really excited (jumping up and down) when someone bought my artwork. Not to mention how much they bore my grumpiness, and mentally absence. They are also immensely helpful—to stick the paintings and to run many other small errands. 😇😇

And to all the friends and family members who come, share their time, energies and appreciation to my work, I want to say “your gaze and wondering, have served as ocean’s breeze towards my hours of works in solitude.

Thank you all for reminding me the exuberant power of showing up. I am filled with elation!”🌸🌟🌟🌟💐🌷🌺

07/04/2023

Some sneak peek of tomorrows exhibition.

07/04/2023

i had clumsily ran into organising my own solo exhibition.
i have no clue what i have gotten myself into.
Launching an solo exhibition in Miri is a weird and intense experience.
the admin work, the publicity, the designing the poster, the printing, the installation...
Not to mention the roles that i have been playing...
i was the the curator, the artist and the event organiser.
simply imagine the efforts and overwhelming effect on me.

i had struggled to push through it.
Few reasons.
One is the vulnerability that i feel (which is quite common as artist) when i display my works. Especially abstract art is quite a foreign language here. Also, the conceptual art sometimes get complete ignorance or vulgar curiosity, the blunt response or the puzzled looks accompanied with uncomfortable silence.😅

Whatever the cause, the strain i was under meant that i continued to show a readiness to oblige...to perform, to make a good show.
i was thinking how to attract bigger crowd, what price should i put on each paintings. i was in a treadwheel of commodifying my private artistic life.
i felt scattered. not fear nor anxiety, just very far from composed.

Only until yesterday, realising it is almost full moon, almost Easter,
i set my intention again with the phrase "Grounded in pleasure!"
it was like a switch. or a inner pedal starts blooming, opening to different sphere.

So, i decide to enjoy the process...
i decide to make the preparation an uplifting experience.
I decide to forsake (for this exhibition) the thoughts "how could i make people appreciate my work?"
to observe the life-death-life cycle in presenting myself, in bringing my creative alive to the world

i managed to slow down, to simplify, to cut the crap of unnecessary comments or advices.
i started to find joy in setting up the scene, i began to listen better to my art works and the surrounding...
there was this profound satisfaction after this morning's hard works.😇
(My two boys are my biggest supporters, from carrying paintings to giving me great compliments regarding my work.)

So, the exhibition is tomorrow. I feel like a mother who is happily decorating the baby's bedroom, anticipating the joy of a new presence.
i hope for good-natured crowd
regardless my so last minute advertisement and the minimum/ budget tight publicity. 😁

08/03/2023

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qn6rgisZm1M

a song that reminds me the glorious existence of each living beings...

beautiful indeed!

April 13, 2018 | Felix Contreras -- Jorge Drexler is a poet with a gift for song. The Uruguayan singer-songwriter, like the iconic Latin American lyricists o...

27/02/2023

27/02/2023

“Brew your world with belonging”⭐️

Sometimes outer world can be overwhelming and threatening. How can we safeguard our inner world and still feel belonged to the outer world?🙃

In this 2 hours workshop, You will be guided to explore something to root into, some way of expressing your inner world, some connection to beauty beyond our daily struggles, something that helps you feel at home, feel belonged in your own skin and your own life...and eventually, you can create confidently the outer world that support your own inner well-being.🌈

Q & A:
How much will it be?
RM65 (include one complimentary drink & the art materials); if you bring a friend along, both of you will have 10 percent discount.

What should I expect in this 2 hour session?
You will be guided for a series of creative prompts. For instance, observe your somatic responds towards various forms of artistic expression. Eventually you will be invited to make your own expression. In order to deepen each artistic experience, One’s own pace and perception will be honored.

Do I need any artistic background?
No. You don’t need to. Just come as you are with curiosity, truthfulness and a sense of playfulness:) you can bring your own journal and a pen, the rest of materials will be provided. please make sure you are able to commit to present throughout 2 hours.

Who is The facilitator? Esther, a passionate abstract artist, a certified art thera**st who just moved back from Belgium. Currently living in Miri with her 2 boys.

Ps: feeling honored to get connected to a real local/quality coffee shop Elementary Coffee Roasters Earthlings Coffee Workshop

17/02/2023

Art for everyone...

a dialogue with our embodied responses and psychic resonance through art appreciation
With the windows Facing the harbor and the sea, the room has definitely already invited us to slow down, to drink in the beauty of the ocean.

It’s the hidden gem of CocoCabana , Miri. Second floor of Block A. (Sounds like a spy’s clue). I noticed The space hasn’t been used for a long while, judging from the cleaning time that cleaners have spent. I felt honored to use the space—-filling it with my paintings, our chalk scribbles, our thousand ways of pondering life, art and home.

There wasn’t many participants showing up. There were factors such as late publicizing, confusion of the venue, or maybe due to the newness of embodied workshop...I was advised to change the location, but somehow the art works said (yes, my drawings speak!:) they needed to be shown at this private, quiet space.

During the session, we had the chance to have much intimate sharing, with a slower pace to observe, to pause and to play.

everyone has his/her own unique themes...one looked for sense of transcendence above the worldly realities, one spoke of the beauties of connections; one was to encompass all the aliveness, and the other one was following her inner path for home.

Each sharing was paired up with couple of the drawings, chances to notice the dynamic and dialogues between the artistic expression. This visual input definitely make each statement, association fresh, vivid and insightful.

After these 2 sessions in the weekend, I felt enriched, fulfilled and also exhausted,(lesson learned: it’s such hard work to hold the space for 2 people who are complete strangers)...

Above all, my art works were happily shouting—-I am so happy to be seen, touched, moved, interpreted and connected!