LuMa Cafe

10/06/2026

09/06/2026

🚨 NEW MENU ITEM 🚨

We’ve officially reached the point where adult supervision is required in the kitchen.

This glorious monstrosity starts with Korean BBQ pulled pork, because apparently “too much pork” isn’t a recognised medical condition. Then comes a hillbilly apple slaw that Billy Jo knocked together in his not so suspicious murder shed between brewing moonshine and definitely not hiding evidence. 🍎🔪

Then, in a moment of pure culinary recklessness, we topped it with Frazzles.

Because if you’re already riding the pig train, there’s no point getting off at sensible.

It’s sweet, smoky, crunchy and completely unsuitable for anyone who describes food as “a bit naughty.”

Somewhere a nutritionist just felt a disturbance in the force.

Available now. Bring an appetite and a complete disregard for moderation. 🐷🔥

08/06/2026

🔥🌶️ HOT WINGS & THE NAUGHTY BURGER CHALLENGE 🌶️🔥

Saturday 13th June | From 7pm | Kraftys J’s

Some like it hot.

Some like it naughty.

Some are about to find out they’ve been massively overestimating themselves.

Our Hot Wing & Naughty Burger Challenge is back, ready to leave your mouth burning, your eyes watering, and your dignity somewhere under the table.

🍗 Wings so hot they should probably come with a safe word.
🍔 A Naughty Burger that’s guaranteed to leave you sweaty and full of regret.
🥵 An experience you’ll be talking about for days… whether you want to or not.

🏆 Prizes on the night for the brave few who can go all the way and finish the challenge.

👉🏽 Tag your mates, share this post, and slide into our DMs to enter yourself.

Or nominate that friend who’s always bragging about how much they can handle. It’s time to see if they can actually perform under pressure.

Come hungry.
Leave sweating.
Question your choices.

Kraftys J’s – where bad decisions become great entertainment.

02/06/2026

🚨 POOR DECISION-MAKING OPPORTUNITY 🚨

On Saturday 13th June from 7pm at Kraftys J’s, we’re giving you the chance to discover exactly where your confidence ends and your tears begin.

🔥 The Hot Wing Challenge
🍔 The Naughty Burger Challenge

We’ve created a level of heat that can only be described as “character building” and “potentially relationship ending.”

Think you can handle it? Brilliant. We admire that completely unfounded confidence.

🏆 Prizes up for grabs on the night for anyone who manages to finish without seeing their ancestors or renegotiating their will.

Tag your mates, share this post, and slide into our DMs to enter.

Or better yet, volunteer that one mate who never shuts up about how much spice they can handle. It’s time for their personality to meet reality.

Come hungry.
Leave humbled.
Question everything.

See you on the 13th. Assuming your digestive system agrees.

01/06/2026

🚨 SPECIAL ALERT 🚨

Meet our naughty little slice of heaven…

🥞 Biscoff French Toast, Strawberries & Cream 🍓

Even if we do say so ourselves, this is fecking damn good.

Golden French toast smothered in Biscoff goodness, piled high with fresh strawberries and finished with cream because, frankly, self-control is overrated.

Is it over the top? Absolutely.

Will it put more calories on you than diving headfirst into a bathtub full of Cadbury’s chocolate? Almost certainly.

Will you regret it? Completely

Available on specials now. Bring your appetite and leave your calorie counter at home. 😈🍴

30/05/2026

🚨 LIMITED TIME ONLY 🚨

Introducing the burger that could end friendships…

🍔 3 smash patties
🧀 Double American cheese
😈 And an absolutely irresponsible amount of MARMITE.

Yes. Marmite.

Before you call the police, hear us out. The salty, savoury madness somehow works. It’s bold. It’s filthy. It’s the burger equivalent of turning up to a wedding in leopard print.

You’ll either LOVE it or HATE it.
There is no middle ground.
There are no peace talks.

Come and try our Marmite Smash Monster before it’s gone. Or don’t. More for the weirdos who get it.

28/05/2026

🚨 PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT 🚨

After being reported by an anonymous keyboard warrior, we’d like to officially clear up a few things regarding our mates/models Moss & Fern. 🐶🍻

Firstly… Moss & Fern do NOT sit at the table and eat meals with us every day.
They are highly trained professional models who simply pose dramatically near food for content purposes only. 📸✨

Secondly… despite what the photos may suggest, they are NOT drinking alcohol.
Moss can barely handle zoomies after 7pm, never mind a pint of Modelo. 🍺❌

Environmental Health popped in for a chat (who were absolutely lovely by the way, and slightly embarrassed they even had to investigate this masterpiece of a complaint 😂).

For anyone clutching their pearls:
✔️ Chairs and tables are thoroughly cleaned
✔️ Drinks are poured away
✔️ Food is binned afterwards

And finally…
The dogs are paid appropriately in sausages, snacks, and unconditional love. 🌭❤️

Thanks for the concern everyone.
Moss & Fern will continue their demanding careers in hospitality modelling effective immediately

27/05/2026

🍓🍊🍹 BIG NEWS, PIMM’S LOVERS! 🍹🍊🍓

We are NOW serving deliciously refreshing PIMM’S by the glass 🍷
OR grab a jug to share with your mates 🍓🍊🥒✨

…or honestly, no judgement here just be plain greedy and stick a straw in the jug yourself 😜🍹

Perfect for sunny afternoons, catch-ups, gossip sessions & pretending you’re at Wimbledon 🇬🇧☀️

📍 Luma Cafe
Eat • Drink • Chill

26/05/2026

Right… so apparently not EVERY special has to come with a side of guilt and a triple bypass 🫠

So this week I thought I’d compromise…

Introducing our naughty little pocket of goodness 👀🔥

THE BUTTERMILK FRIED CHICKEN CAESAR PITTA 🌯

It’s got:
🐔 Buttermilk fried chicken (not ideal)
🥬 Lettuce (healthy queen)
🫒 Olives (basically a vitamin)
🥒 Cucumber (gym food)
🍅 Tomato (5 a day surely)
🧅 Red onion (good for the soul)
🧀 Parmesan (questionable)
🤤 Caesar dressing (absolutely criminal)

So technically… it balances itself out, right? 😂

Anyway, all jokes aside! this thing is TASTY. Crispy, fresh, saucy and dangerously easy to demolish.

Made with love in a kitchen hotter than a Ford Fiesta cooling unit 🔥