LuMa Cafe

18/06/2026

🚨 AGE DISCRIMINATION? NOT ON OUR WATCH! 🚨

At our place, we believe talent comes in all shapes, sizes, and ages… and just to prove it, we recently had the honour of working with the absolute legend, the all-out baller, and certified bouncing ball of energy… TEZ! 🐶⭐

Now, Tez is no stranger to the finer things in life. In fact, some say he lives like a king and gets treated better than the Royal corgis themselves! 👑🐾

So when his agent (also known as his doggie mum) got in touch, there was only one answer…

Where do we sign?

The superstar arrived just as we were launching some seriously tasty new menu items, and after carefully reviewing the options (and by carefully, we mean staring intensely until someone shared), Tez chose The Marley. 🌴☀️

Packed full of Caribbean tuna mayo, loaded into a fresh crusty sub, and grilled to melted perfection, this hoagie is basically a ray of sunshine in sandwich form.

Judging by Tez’s reaction, we’d say it’s got the paw of approval. 🐾✅

Thanks for stopping by, Tez. Your professionalism was questionable, your tail-wagging was excessive, and your payment demands were outrageously high… but we’d work with you again in a heartbeat. ❤️

16/06/2026

16/06/2026

🚨 BREAKING NEWS 🚨

In a shocking display of generosity, we’re launching Dirty Little Specials Happy Hour.

Starting C U Next Tuesday from 3PM, because waiting until the weekend to make questionable decisions feels unnecessarily responsible.

And before you ask… no, it’s not just drinks.

🍔 2-4-1 Smash Burgers
🍗 2-4-1 Wings
🍻 Dirty little drink specials

Basically, we’re doing everything we can to make your dinner plans and budget completely irrelevant.

The fun continues every:

🔥 Tuesday – Thursday | 3PM – 7PM
🔥 Saturday | 6PM – 9PM

Bring a mate. Or don’t. Either way, you’ll need someone to help you explain why you ordered four burgers, two baskets of wings, and another round “for the table.”

We’re not saying happiness can be bought…

But it can apparently be had for 2-for-1.

See you Tuesday. Try to act surprised?!?! 🤪😬

14/06/2026

🔥🍔 WHAT. A. DAY. 🍔🔥

A massive shoutout to every single contestant who took part in our Hot Wing & Burger Challenge yesterday at Krafty J’s!

Whether you powered through like a seasoned professional, turned every shade of red known to mankind, sweated enough to fill a paddling pool, or questioned every life decision that led you to that first wing… you all absolutely smashed it! 💪🌶️

Every single one of you kicked arse, showed incredible determination, provided endless entertainment, and should be seriously proud of yourselves. The laughs, the pain, the cheers, the tears (yes, we saw them 👀) made for an unforgettable day.

Special congratulations to our overall winner, CONNER! 🏆👏
What a champ! You took on the challenge, stared spice in the face, and came out on top. A thoroughly deserved winner!

A huge thank you also goes to the amazing team at Krafty J’s for hosting such a brilliant event. Big love to John the Big Dawg, Callum and Jay, absolute legends who helped make the day what it was. ❤️

To our incredible team at Luma — simply the best team anyone could ask for. Thank you for all your hard work behind the scenes and on the day.

And finally, thank you to every single person who turned up to support, cheer, laugh, encourage, and occasionally enjoy watching people suffer through ridiculous amounts of spice! The atmosphere was amazing, and events like this wouldn’t be the same without you all.

From all of us, THANK YOU! 🙌

Until the next challenge… keep those taste buds ready! 🌶️🔥🍔

12/06/2026

🚨 Straight outta Tijuana and deep from bandit country… we’ve just landed some absolutely ridiculous Jarritos flavours. 🚨

Forget your boring fizzy pop. This is the stuff that makes your taste buds file for overtime.

🇲🇽 Proper Mexican Cola
🍓 Strawberry
🥭 Guava

Jarritos don’t mess about when it comes to flavour. They’re loud, unapologetic, and about as subtle as a mariachi band at 3am.

But don’t just take our word for it…

Our very own little ray of sunshine, serial holiday enthusiast, and all-round baller Moss has returned from his hollibobs and gone straight back to doing his thang.

Not only did he grab himself a Strawberry Jarritos, he also somehow managed to pick up one of those full-on sugar-kicking cookies from our mates at Dandy’s.

So if you happen to see a blur tearing through Halkett Place this afternoon, don’t be alarmed. That’s just Moss running zoomies after combining Mexican strawberry pop with enough sugar to power a small village.

By our calculations, he’ll be bouncing around with more energy than a child loose in M&M World.

Get involved before Moss buys the lot.

12/06/2026

🚨 PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT 🚨

We’ll be closing from 6:00pm tomorrow (Saturday 13th June), with last orders at 5:15pm! ⏰🍻☕

We’d like to apologise in advance if any of our silly billy staff have accidentally taken bookings over the phone… 🤦‍♂️📞

Unfortunately, they appear to have been operating without their daily caffeine fix, and as we all know, that can lead to some very questionable decision-making. ☕💀

So if you’ve managed to secure a booking after 6pm, please don’t blame them too harshly they’re doing their best in these difficult, coffee-deprived times.

Thanks for your understanding, and we’ll see you before 5:15pm! ❤️

10/06/2026

09/06/2026

🚨 NEW MENU ITEM 🚨

We’ve officially reached the point where adult supervision is required in the kitchen.

This glorious monstrosity starts with Korean BBQ pulled pork, because apparently “too much pork” isn’t a recognised medical condition. Then comes a hillbilly apple slaw that Billy Jo knocked together in his not so suspicious murder shed between brewing moonshine and definitely not hiding evidence. 🍎🔪

Then, in a moment of pure culinary recklessness, we topped it with Frazzles.

Because if you’re already riding the pig train, there’s no point getting off at sensible.

It’s sweet, smoky, crunchy and completely unsuitable for anyone who describes food as “a bit naughty.”

Somewhere a nutritionist just felt a disturbance in the force.

Available now. Bring an appetite and a complete disregard for moderation. 🐷🔥

08/06/2026

🔥🌶️ HOT WINGS & THE NAUGHTY BURGER CHALLENGE 🌶️🔥

Saturday 13th June | From 7pm | Kraftys J’s

Some like it hot.

Some like it naughty.

Some are about to find out they’ve been massively overestimating themselves.

Our Hot Wing & Naughty Burger Challenge is back, ready to leave your mouth burning, your eyes watering, and your dignity somewhere under the table.

🍗 Wings so hot they should probably come with a safe word.
🍔 A Naughty Burger that’s guaranteed to leave you sweaty and full of regret.
🥵 An experience you’ll be talking about for days… whether you want to or not.

🏆 Prizes on the night for the brave few who can go all the way and finish the challenge.

👉🏽 Tag your mates, share this post, and slide into our DMs to enter yourself.

Or nominate that friend who’s always bragging about how much they can handle. It’s time to see if they can actually perform under pressure.

Come hungry.
Leave sweating.
Question your choices.

Kraftys J’s – where bad decisions become great entertainment.