11/09/2024
Goodmorning friends
This anecdote was shared by one ex tea planter. Planters from Assam will likely be more familiar with some of the conversations, but anyone familiar with tea plantation life will smile...at least.
THE TEA PLANTATION MANAGER'S “MORNING AFTER”
KNOCK, KNOCK !!
No, it’s not one of those ‘who’s there ?’ jokes. It’s your quintessential Bungalow Chowkidar’s early morning serenade.
“ Saab, sawa panch baj gaya. Uthiye !!”
So much for waking up to a glorious rendition of Cat Stevens “Morning has Broken”. Let’s try again………. Zzzzzzzz…….
KNOCK, KNOCK!!!
“Saab, sarey panch baj gaya.” (The fellow probably can’t read the time……I hope)
KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK!!!!
“Saab. Paune chey baj gaya! Aap kaam pe jayega ke nahi?!!!”
Rats! I shoot out of bed, head for the ‘Goosal Kamra’(aka Bogs) and am out in a flash, looking as fresh as any planter does in the morning. ‘Palang Chai’(Bed Tea)? Forget it. I’ll grab a cuppa at the office.
It’s 6.05 am as I walk to the Withering Troughs guiltily. What a lovely sight… or am I still in a haze? “You’ll probably land up in a pot of boiling water at some office near Dalhousie Square” – am I talking to the leaves or myself? The very thought itself should scare either of us into a perfect wither.
The Office. The bastion of the bare-kneed plantation executive. I walk in, keeping an eye out for empty chairs. It’s 6.30 am, so why hasn’t ‘Kirani Babu’(Head Clerk) appeared? Probably being decent enough to come in after the ‘Barra Saab’. Oh well …………
I walk into my office briskly, nodding my “Good Mornings” and instinctively turn on the computer (result of the Tea Industry recently going Hi-Tech). Any late night emails from nocturnal Head Office executives. No emails?!! How silly of me; I forgot last night was Friday and they don’t have internet at the CCFC Bar. A sudden feeling of nothing to do….. wonder what the ol’ planters did at this unearthly hour? The Office Boy walks in with a steaming cup of tea… of course, this is what they did. Nothing like a good cup of ‘Khara Chammach ki Chai’ to finally get you into the groove.
The unshaven Head Fitter walks in with a pile of registers. I give him a stern look while trying to recall what I was due to pull him up for this morning. Oh yes …..
“Fitter Babu” (Technician aka Head Fitter), that red Billy goat of yours has been into the young tea again! Now, this is my last warning…..”
Before I can really hit the ceiling, Fitter Babu pipes up, “Saar, about the silly Billy Goat. Not to worry anymore Saar. Tomorrow is my son’s birthday. I will dismantle the goat.”
The wind has been knocked out of me without a punch. Anyway, must remember to ask Fitter Babu tomorrow how he manages this hi-tech feat…. Or rather, if he intends to re-assemble the Billy again. This should be worth watching…. What next? Space Shuttles?
That’s when the “Jamader Babu” (Garden Supervisor) rushes in….
“Saar, many ‘Patchy Derms’ in Section 16A. I have told the workers to keep ‘Soup’ (I gather later on that he means ‘Chup’…wake up to the Assamese pronunciation !!) and not disturb them.”
“Why, do they like soup?”
“Yes Saar, they like quiet atmosphere. Therefore, with your kind permission, I will change plucking “kamjari”(work allocation) to Section 21”.
“Permission granted…. Good thinking JB.” Yes, the day is getting on just as I expected.
“And JB, remember to have the elephant droppings collected for use in young tea planting. The cycle of nature and gastronomy, you know.”
“Droppings, gas and cycle…. Yes Saar”.
“Yes, yes… that too.”
The red-eyed Medical Officer walks in. Had a late night sampling Ether, I suppose.
“Morning Doc. I will be visiting the hospital this afternoon. By the way, where do you keep the hospital linen?”
“In the linen cupboard, obviously. (What a silly question).”
“Ahem…..Yes, yes.” Folks in the city must be recovering from Friday night too, so why not us silly fellows.
Next….the “Bijli Babu” (Head Electrician)…..smiling from ear to ear…..with a note.
“What’s this ?” I ask.
“Saar, you very kindly helped out with my daughter’s wedding arrangements last week. This is note of thanks from my family.”
I open the note nervously…. I’ve read many such compositions over the years… but this one beats them all…
“DEAR SIR,
THANK YOU AND THE MANAGEMENT FOR HELPING MY DAUGHTER GET MARRIED. I THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART, AND MY WIFE’S BOTTOM TOO.”
“Ok Ok” ……. Is all I have the courage to say.
Can I risk a round of the ‘Kal-Ghar’ (Factory)? Or should I opt for ‘soup’ with the ‘Patchy Derms’? I opt for the former which should involve a lesser degree of risk. At least I’d be looking fresher than the ‘Mistry Saab’ (Factory Assistant) who must have been up all night churning out top class teas…. I hope.
“How are the teas this morning, young man?”
“Good morning Sir. Good Sir.”
“What, the teas or me?”
“Both Sir”. (Smart fellow. Knows how to pep up his boss after a trying morning.) I decide to skip meeting the ‘Head Tea House’ (Factory Supervisor) and spoil the day, which is gradually looking better. Every planter should know when to tactfully back off when the going is good.
9.30 am. Gosh, time has flown! So, off for ‘Hajri’ By the way, I’m talking about breakfast!!!
Aaah….. what wouldn’t I do for the sight of the radiant face of the ‘Bara Memsahib’ (First Lady) over fried eggs, toast and coffee……..(and a tot of Rum for some).
“You’re home early. Is the garden on holiday today?”
Great …… what a welcome!!
I presume that she’s living a day ahead of the times. I tactfully remind her that it’s Saturday…. The day before Sunday!!? This happens to many Tea Ladies who conveniently loose a day or so in the course of their ‘busy’ lives. Come to think of it, some of the gentlemen fall prey to this phenomenon as well ………….
Looks like a great day ahead……… otherwise there’s always the Club and a few ‘whisky-pani’s’…. later in the day ofcorse.
Ce est la vie….. It’s a win-win situation!!!
