07/10/2026
🎱 THE OAK POOL REPORT — DALTON CAME FOR POOL… WE APPARENTLY CAME FOR A NIGHT OUT 😂
DALTON 6 – OAK 1
Not so much a pool match as seven individual lessons, six of which we apparently forgot to prepare for. 😂😂
Game 1 – Dan “The Bystander” 👀
Dan arrived ready to play pool. His opponent had other ideas. Barely let the poor bloke touch the table before packing him away.
Dan’s biggest contribution to the frame was watching it happen from a very convenient distance. 😂
❌ LOST
Game 2 – Joe “Pint Pending” 🍺
Shook off the rust and produced some genuinely brilliant shots. For a brief moment we thought we had a pool player on our hands.
Then his attention wandered back to the important matter of where his next pint was coming from.
Amazing shots. Terrible priorities. Same result. 😂
❌ LOST
Game 3 – Damien “No GoldenEye” Brosnan 🔫
The name’s Brosnan… Damien Brosnan.
Unfortunately, there was no GoldenEye and definitely no licence to pot. 😂
Tough opponent, a few chances came his way… and Damien very generously gave them straight back.
Pierce can sleep easy — there’s still only one successful Brosnan. 😂
❌ LOST
Game 4 – Jess “Please Be Gentle” 😂
Her opponent broke and proceeded to clear the table like Jess had somewhere else to be.
He narrowly missed the black, finally giving her one glorious visit to rescue the situation.
She didn’t. 😂
Even tried the old “take it easy on me” routine. He responded by taking it easy for approximately zero seconds.
Thanks for coming, Jess. 😂
❌ LOST
Game 5 – Wayne “THE TRAIN” 🚂
ALL ABOARD! 🚂💨
For once, Wayne the Train actually stayed on the tracks.
It was surprisingly close. Could’ve gone either way and Wayne battled right to the end, giving us genuine hope…
Then, right on schedule, the train pulled into Loserville Central. 🚂😂
Choo choo, better luck next week.
❌ LOST
Game 6 – Lindsey “HOW?!” 🤨
Played some absolutely blinding shots.
Played some absolutely diabolical shots.
At times it looked like she’d never held a cue before, then five minutes later she’s clearing balls like she’s off to the Crucible. 😂
But somehow… SHE WON. AGAIN.
At 5–0 down, Lindsey was the only thing standing between The Oak and a 7–0 public ex*****on.
Nobody knows how she did it. Don’t investigate it. Just take the point. 😂
✅ WON
Game 7 – Sean “Pool Player Loading… 17%” ⏳
First league game and the nerves definitely made an appearance.
There were some good shots, some questionable ones and enough glimpses to suggest there’s definitely a pool player somewhere deep inside Sean.
Unfortunately, last night he refused to come out. 😂
We’ll keep looking. 🔎
❌ LOST
🏁 FINAL SCORE: DALTON 6 – OAK 1
Six defeats. One win. Absolutely no dignity. 😂
Massive congratulations to Lindsey, who single-handedly prevented the words 7–0 WHITEWASH from appearing in the history books.
As for the rest of the team…
Maybe bring your cues next week. 🎱😂😂😂
