07/05/2026
It has now been 5 days since Craig Ramskill “Ramma” officially retired from football after claiming his ankle was “finished” following the injury he suffered back in February.
Now at the time, we all believed him.
Messages of support poured in.
People checked in on his mental health.
Some lads even considered doing a sponsored walk for him.
But looking back now… the signs were there.
Three weeks after allegedly breaking his ankle…
Ramma was spotted bouncing around Turkey watching Galatasaray like a 19-year-old ultra on his first lads holiday.
Not limping.
Not in a protective boot.
Not resting.
Just absolutely flying around Istanbul eating kebabs, shouting at tourists and moving more freely than he ever did in midfield.
Medical experts are calling it:
“The greatest recovery since Jesus.”
Fat Dads United feel deceived.
The man had us believing his ankle exploded, meanwhile he was in Turkey two-stepping outside a ho**ah bar with full range of motion.
However we forgive him and since his departure Fat Dads United hasn’t been the same since.
The WhatsApp group has gone quiet.
The banter has dropped off a cliff.
The warm embrace of our fat dad cuddly bear is no longer there.
Some of the lads are currently seeking professional help to find other comforts in life. It’s been a dark few days.
One player reportedly hugged a traffic cone at work because he missed the shape of Ramma standing with his hands on his hips shouting:
“WAKE UP LADS.”
Even worse… Razzas Café are on the brink of administration.
Since retirement, Ramma hasn’t stepped foot inside once.
Funny that.
The SECOND he found out he had to pay full price instead of abusing the Fat Dads discount like it was a government benefit scheme, he vanished quicker than his football career.
Staff at Razzas are devastated.
Every morning they still prepare:
* A full English
* Extra hash browns
* Extra sausage
* Spam & Bean Butty
* A large latte
* And a Diet Coke purely for “balance”
Only for it to sit there untouched while the owner quietly whispers:
“He’s not coming, is he?”
We understand bowls is your priority now, Ramma.
A sport where the average heart rate is lower than yours after a mixed grill.
A sport where you can dominate physically while still technically being stationary.
But please… come back.
You don’t even have to play.
Just stand on the sidelines:
* Shout “UNLUCKY” after every terrible pass
* Pull your shorts up to your ni***es
* Tell everyone how good you “used to be”
* Ask the ref how long’s left after 8 minutes
* Breathing like a faulty radiator
* Telling everyone you “could’ve gone semi-pro” despite needing a sit down after tying your laces.
As Jamie McGeachy emotionally said:
“My wife’s threatened to leave me because all I talk about is Ramma.”
Please Craig.
If not for the boys…
If not for Fat Dads United…
If not for the game…
Do it for the café discounts and the memories. ❤️⚽🎳
