Rampant Horse Fakenham

11/10/2026

🚨🐎 SUPER SUNDAY AT THE RAMP!!! 🐎🚨

🔥⚽🏎️🍺🃏 FOUR EVENTS. ONE PUB. ABSOLUTELY NO ADULT SUPERVISION.

Some pubs offer a quiet Sunday roast, a gentle pint and a crossword.

NOT THIS BLOODY LUNATIC ASYLUM.

We’ve taken a perfectly respectable Sunday, strapped it to a shopping trolley, set fire to the wheels and pushed it screaming down a motorway towards complete sporting insanity!!! 🤯🔥

⚽ 12.00 – SOUTHAMPTON vs PORTSMOUTH 🔴🔵

THE SOUTH COAST CIVIL WAR!!!

Two sets of supporters who’d rather lick a motorway service station toilet seat than admit the other team has ever played decent football.

Saints versus Pompey! A rivalry so bitter you could use it to descale a kettle.

Expect screaming, shouting, questionable refereeing decisions and grown men behaving like emotionally unstable seagulls fighting over a battered sausage.

🏎️ 13.00 – SINGAPORE GRAND PRIX 🇸🇬🔥

FROM SOUTH COAST HATRED TO SINGAPOREAN HORSEPOWER!!!

Twenty ridiculously expensive lawnmowers hurtling around a city at speeds that would make your insurance company spontaneously combust.

More overtaking than a dodgy driving instructor, more drama than a family Christmas dinner and enough tyre rubber to manufacture a million novelty adult products.

IT’S FORMULA ONE, BABY!!! 🏁

⚽ 16.30 – LIVERPOOL vs MAN CITY 🔴🔵

OH SWEET MERCIFUL FOOTBALLING JESUS!!!

Just when your nervous system has begun to recover, along come two footballing juggernauts with enough money between them to buy Luxembourg and turn it into a luxury car park.

Liverpool supporters will be singing about history.

City supporters will be explaining their financial spreadsheets.

And somewhere in the distance, a Manchester United supporter will be staring into a microwave wondering where it all went wrong.

THIS IS FOOTBALLING ARMAGEDDON WITH EXTRA GRAVY!!! 💥

🃏 20.00 – REDTOOTH POKER LEAGUE ♠️♥️♣️♦️

AND NOW THE EVENING DESCENDS INTO PURE PSYCHOLOGICAL WARFARE!!!

A room full of suspicious-looking individuals wearing sunglasses indoors, clutching playing cards like they’re holding nuclear launch codes.

Bluffing! Betting! Sweating! Suspicious eyebrow movements!

People with the poker faces of professional assassins and the strategic abilities of a confused pigeon trapped inside a branch of Greggs.

One minute you’re king of the table.

The next you’re staring at a pair of twos wondering whether selling your kidneys would improve your luck.

WELCOME TO THE THUNDERDOME OF CARDBOARD AND BROKEN DREAMS!!!

🍺🍺🍺 ALL DAY AT THE RAMP!!! 🍺🍺🍺

Four events. Thousands of opinions. Absolutely catastrophic levels of sporting hysteria.

The b**r will flow, the insults will fly, the televisions will be working harder than a one-legged tap dancer on a trampoline, and somebody will inevitably shout “THAT’S NEVER A PENALTY!” during the Grand Prix.

🐎 THE RAMP — WHERE SUNDAYS GO TO LOSE THEIR DIGNITY!!!

🔥 COME FOR THE FOOTBALL.
🏎️ STAY FOR THE RACING.
🃏 FINISH WITH THE POKER.
🍺 LEAVE WITH ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT DAY IT IS.

NORMALITY IS CANCELLED. THE RAMP HAS TAKEN OVER.

🚨 BRING YOUR MATES. BRING YOUR OPINIONS. LEAVE YOUR SANITY IN THE CAR PARK. 🚨

10/10/2026

⚽🔥 SUPER SATURDAY AT THE RAMP! 🔥⚽

🐤💚💛 THE MIGHTY CANARIES, TWO NORTH LONDON DISASTERS AND A BATTLE TO DECIDE WHO’S THE BIGGEST PILE OF FOOTBALLING RUBBISH! 💛💚🐤

🍿 12.30 – SWANSEA vs NORWICH CITY

First up, the magnificent NORWICH CITY! 💚💛

The pride of Norfolk! The yellow and green footballing juggernaut! The only club on today’s schedule whose supporters don’t need counselling, a stiff drink and a written apology from the manager before kick-off!

The Canaries head to Wales to remind Swansea that swans might look elegant, but they’re basically oversized ducks with anger issues.

ON THE BALL CITY! 🐤💛💚

🔴 12.30 – ARSENAL vs LEEDS

Meanwhile, Arsenal take on Leeds in a contest between North London’s most expensive collection of nearly-men and Yorkshire’s angriest travelling circus.

Expect 400 sideways passes, a dramatic fall in the penalty area and at least one Arsenal supporter claiming the referee has personally ruined their life.

💩🔥 17.30 – MAN UTD vs TOTTENHAM

🚨 THE EL CRAPICO! 🚨

THE BATTLE OF THE BOTTLERS!

THE PREMIER LEAGUE’S ANSWER TO TWO DRUNKS FIGHTING OVER A BROKEN SHOPPING TROLLEY! 🛒

In the RED corner, MANCHESTER UNITED! 🔴

Once the most feared club in England. Now a billion-pound soap opera where the plot makes no sense, the cast keeps changing and the audience spends 90 minutes shouting obscenities at the television.

In the WHITE corner, TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR! ⚪

A club with a magnificent stadium, world-class facilities and a trophy cabinet that spent years being mistaken for an IKEA display unit.

United couldn’t organise a piss-up in a brewery.

Tottenham would organise one, get everyone excited, lead the drinking competition for 89 minutes, then somehow spill every pint and lose to the bloke cleaning the toilets.

SO WHO’S WORSE? 🤔

Is it Manchester United, the footballing equivalent of a luxury yacht sinking in a duck pond?

Or Tottenham, a club so spectacularly allergic to success that even their victory parades probably have an emergency cancellation clause?

It’s like choosing between diarrhoea and food poisoning.

THERE ARE NO WINNERS. ONLY SURVIVORS. 🤣

🍺⚽ ALL THE ACTION AT THE RAMP!

Come for the mighty Norwich City, stay for the comedy horror show at 5.30!

💚💛 NORWICH CITY – PROOF THAT FOOTBALL STILL HAS SOME DIGNITY!

🔴⚪ UNITED AND SPURS – PROOF THAT MONEY CAN’T BUY IT!

THE RAMP – WHERE THE FOOTBALL’S LIVE, THE BANTER’S BRUTAL AND THE CANARIES ARE KING! 🍻👑🐤

09/10/2026

09/10/2026

🚨🐎 FRIDAY NIGHT BANGERS AT THE RAMP! 🐎🚨

🎶 8PM – 1AM | 80s, 90s & 00s 🎶

Ladies, gentlemen, questionable life forms and people who still think they’re 21…

THE RAMP IS ABOUT TO HAVE A MUSICAL NERVOUS BREAKDOWN! 🤪🔥

We’re taking three decades of absolute musical filth, throwing them into a cement mixer, adding a disco ball, two bottles of Peroni and the shattered dignity of everyone who thinks they can dance.

🪩 THE 80s! When hair was bigger than mortgages, shoulder pads were considered structural engineering and everyone danced like they’d accidentally stood on an electric fence.

💿 THE 90s! When Britpop ruled, boybands multiplied like rabbits and every bloke thought he was Liam Gallagher despite looking more like a depressed garden centre employee.

📀 THE 00s! When trousers got dangerously low, dancefloors got disgustingly sweaty and people started grinding against complete strangers like malfunctioning washing machines.

🍺 PERONI 330ML – 2 FOR £6! 🍺

Because nothing says sophistication quite like necking Italian l***r while screaming the words to a song you haven’t heard since your Nokia 3310 was considered cutting-edge technology.

💃 Expect dancing that should require planning permission.

🕺 Expect moves that could invalidate your hip replacement warranty.

🐎 Expect the usual Ramp collection of magnificent lunatics, escaped circus exhibits and people who really should know better.

FRIDAY NIGHT BANGERS!

🔥 Three decades. One pub. Absolutely no musical restraint.

📍 THE RAMPANT HORSE
⏰ 8PM – 1AM

08/10/2026

🎸🔥 WOAAAAAH, WE’RE HALFWAY THERE… WOAAAAAH, PETE’S LOST HIS HAIR!!! 🔥🎸

🎤 PETE’S KARAOKE PARTY – TONIGHT FROM 8PM! 🎤

Forget Bon Jovi. Forget Jon Bon Jovi. Tonight we’ve got JON BON PETE, a man whose vocal range stretches from a strangled ferret to a kettle reaching boiling point! 🤣

🎶 LIVIN’ ON A PRAYER? You’ll bloody need one when Pete attempts the high notes!

🎶 YOU GIVE LOVE A BAD NAME? Pete gives falsetto a criminal record!

🎶 IT’S MY LIFE? Not if Pete’s singing. Your life may flash before your eyes!

🎶 BED OF ROSES? More like a bed of nettles with a hedgehog shoved up your arse!

🎶 ALWAYS? Unfortunately, that’s how long his high notes seem to last!

💥 Expect soaring vocals, collapsing testicles, ruptured eardrums and enough falsetto to make the Bee Gees sound like a gang of gruff Yorkshire bricklayers!

🎤 FREE SHOT FOR EVERY SINGER! 🥃

Because if you’re brave enough to grab that microphone and attempt the final chorus of Livin’ on a Prayer, you deserve alcohol, a medal and possibly an emergency appointment with an ENT specialist!

🔥 THE RAMP – FROM 8PM! 🔥

Big hair! Tight trousers! Questionable pitch! And Pete reaching notes normally reserved for dolphins, bats and women discovering a spider in the bath!

🤘 KEEP THE FAITH, GRAB THE MIC AND PROTECT YOUR BALLS!

🎸 BON JOVI HAD THE HITS… PETE’S GOT THE HERNIA! 🎸🤣

07/10/2026

💋✨ THE FABULOUS MISS BRIDY & THE 2 NOTES — LIVE AT THE RAMP! ✨💋

This Saturday night, Miss Bridy & The 2 Notes take over the Rampant Horse — and subtlety, restraint and sensible behaviour have all been told to stay the hell at home.

From 9PM, expect the full Miss Bridy experience: glamour, sass, fabulous frocks, outrageous entertainment and a stage presence big enough to require its own postcode. 💄👠🎤

And don’t overlook The 2 Notes — bringing absolutely stunning vocals to the party. Three voices, one stage and enough vocal firepower to blow the froth clean off your pint. 🎶🔥

Apparently, there’s another reason for the party…

🎂 IT’S ROGER’S BIRTHDAY!

Which is very exciting for Roger. We’ll give him a cake, point him towards the bar and occasionally remind everyone why we’re actually there. 😂

📍 Rampant Horse, Fakenham
📅 Saturday 10th October
⏰ From 9PM

🔥 MISS BRIDY & THE 2 NOTES 🔥
Fabulous entertainment. Stunning vocals. Questionable behaviour.

Come for Roger’s birthday…

Stay because Miss Bridy & The 2 Notes have grabbed Saturday night firmly by the bo****ks. 🍾😈

07/10/2026

🐾 BELLA THE LUCKY DOG’S BINGO BONANZA! 🐾

Forget lucky pants. Forget rabbit’s feet. We’ve got Bella. 😂

Tonight from 5PM, our tiny four-legged gambling oracle will be presiding over Bingo, bringing good fortune, questionable tactics and the sort of intense stare that says “I KNOW WHAT NUMBER’S COMING NEXT.” 👀🎱

🍀 BELLA CAN BE HIRED FOR LUCK — £2 PER GAME!
No guarantees whatsoever. She’s a Chihuahua, not Mystic Meg. If you still lose, Bella accepts absolutely no responsibility and will probably spend your £2 on snacks. 😂🐶

And don’t forget THE BIG RAFFLE! 🎟️
Tickets are £2 a strip, with a £50 Papworths Butchers voucher and a £50 One4all voucher up for grabs.

Come for the Bingo. Stay for the raffle. Hire the dog. Trust the dog. Become one with the dog. 🐾✨

BINGO FROM 5PM — BELLA HAS SPOKEN. 👑🐶

06/10/2026

⚽️🎪 FIXTURE CLASH!!! THE GREAT BATTLE FOR THE MAIN BAR! 🎪⚽️

Tonight, three mighty footballing attractions battle for control of the sacred Main Bar television…

🏴 Stevenage v Leicester — 19.00
🏴 England v Czech Republic — 19.45
🏴 Scotland v Slovenia — 19.45

And yes…

LEICESTER ARE GENUINELY ONE OF THE OPTIONS. 😂😂😂

A club currently operating somewhere between King’s Lynn Town reserves and eleven blokes who met in the car park ten minutes before kick-off.

Even King’s Lynn are apparently looking down the football pyramid with binoculars shouting:

“ANY SIGN OF LEICESTER YET?” 🔭👀

Rumours that Leicester’s next away fixture involves a minibus, two service stations, a raffle to pay for the diesel and somebody’s dad running the line remain completely unconfirmed.

King’s Lynn Town have allegedly offered them a friendly…

Leicester said no.

They’re not ready for that sort of step up yet. 🤣

Meanwhile, we have the tiny matter of ENGLAND playing the Czech Republic and SCOTLAND taking on Slovenia.

So democracy must prevail…

📺 WHO GETS THE MAIN BAR?

👍 LIKE — LEICESTER
For the romantics, the optimists and people who enjoy lower-league football.

❤️ LOVE — ENGLAND
For those who think international football should probably outrank whatever Leicester are attempting.

😂 LAUGH — SCOTLAND
Because using the laughing emoji to vote for Scotland feels strangely appropriate.

MOST REACTIONS WINS THE MAIN BAR.

Choose wisely.

Because somewhere tonight, a King’s Lynn supporter will be sitting in a clubhouse, sipping a pint and thinking…

“Leicester? Bloody hell. Imagine being that far down the footballing food chain.” 😂

👍 ❤️ 😂 YOU DECIDE!!!

THE RAMP — proudly giving Leicester supporters a voice when society probably shouldn’t.