06/10/2026
RETIREMENT IS GOING WELL… SAID NOBODY! 😂🐗
Well, this retired old fart clearly isn't safe to be let out on his own!
Thankfully, I wasn't alone tonight. I had my faithful four-legged bodyguard KAZAN with me when we had a rather unexpected encounter with some WILD BOAR near our home.
One minute we're having a nice peaceful walk, the next thing I hear is SNORT… SNORT… SNORT! 🐗
I turned around and saw them coming closer, so naturally I did what any brave, fearless, heroic man would do…
I RAN LIKE F*!** 😂
Unfortunately, my legs hadn't been informed that I was retired and apparently decided to take the night off. I hit the deck TWICE! 🤦♂️
As I lay there listening to the snorting getting closer, I thought, “Well, Steve… you've had a good run. Looks like you've finally had your bacon!” 🥓😂
Then KAZAN sprang into action and went charging after them like the hero he is, chasing them away and saving my bacon!
To be fair, the poor mumma boar was only protecting her piglets, while KAZAN was protecting me. So really, it was just two protective parents having a disagreement… and one pensioner lying on the floor! 😂
When I eventually got home and told Gill, I expected sympathy.
A cuddle perhaps.
Maybe a concerned “Are you alright, darling?”
What did I get?
LAUGHTER! 🤣🤣🤣
Apparently, the sight of her retired husband being chased by wild boar, falling over twice and nearly becoming Steve & Chips was the funniest thing she'd heard all week!
After 35 years by my side, you'd think she'd have a bit more compassion.
Nope…
She just laughed even harder! 😂
So there we have it — retirement day whatever-it-is, and I've already survived wild boar, gravity and a wife who finds the whole thing hilarious.
I'm beginning to think Gill is actually enjoying retirement more than I am! 😂❤️
And as for KAZAN…
GOOD BOY! 🐾❤️
My hero, my protector and clearly the only responsible adult in this family! 😂
