05/15/2026
It’s 8am EST (more like 8:30ish now). The algorithm doesn’t know what to do with a post like this.
So maybe this is just for you. Doubtful it will go viral, but that’s not important now.
What’s important is that there are almost 100 liters of Books Bourbon & Bacon BB&B Ginger Beer Pickles of all shapes, sizes, colors, and veggies - all brining together in harmony.
Waiting.
Waiting for you, Pickle Connoisseur.
You, who once told a friend in confidence that if a first date brought pocket pickles to the movie you were meant to see, you ‘would.’
These pickles are for you, dearest Pickle Goblin/Fairy/Disruptor.
Pickled Cukes for PKDs and Super Secret Pickle Project.
Pocket Pickles (Side Pickles): Carrot Sticks, Ginger Snaps, Green Beans, Bamboo (because you are also a panda), Red Onions, Garlic Cloves (because vampires, obviously), Daikon Strings (so that you can pretend you are eating a tape worm, because that is objectively hilarious.
Pocket Pepper Pickles (Hot Side Pickles): Sweet Peppers, Jalapeño (because there is no greater enemy to my spelling of regularly used words/names than this and that cruel mistress ‘mozzarella’), Serano (much easier to spell, and a Feeney Family Favorite from our Southwest roots), and Habaner-O (announced like a fictitious oversized SUV model).
These are the pickles you have been dreaming about. They are almost ready.
What?
Super Secret Pickle Project?
Patience, my Pretty Pickle.
patience…
❤️📚🥃🥓🥒 (more pickle p**n in our stories. Stories you might one day recount for your children and your children’s children. Because you were there at now 8:33am EST on May 15, 2026 - a Friday, when the Planet’s pickle polarity peaked, probably panicking popular pickle people JUST LIKE YOU! Can you feel it?) now it’s 8:36am. Pickle.
