17/06/2026
Dear Paigey Boy,
Where do I begin?
Since you left, the lights flicker everywhere I go. I always say it's you. Funny thing is, whenever I try to show someone, you stop. Naana started to think I was crazy until one day at her new place you did it a few times and she caught the last one. She reckons you even turned her outside light off once. We laugh about it because it's the only way we know you're still here.
My lights haven't flickered in a while though.
It's been a year since you've been gone. A year since you were taken. A year without my birthday twin. God, I miss you counting down to our birthday. A year without your Christmas cheer. I miss calling you while you were out shopping for everyone's presents. I think Oscar misses those shower packs you got him every year too 😅🤣
I don't sleep much since you left. Not after Dad woke me from a nap to tell me you were a John Doe at the hospital. Being the one to hear Mum's blood-curdling scream when I told her you were there. Being the first to identify you and knowing you weren't coming back from this.
The guilt of watching each of our siblings walk back out after seeing you and not being able to take away their pain... or yours.
I didn't sleep for weeks, and even now I still find it hard to close my eyes sometimes. Who knew silence and stillness could be so deafening?
You were such a prankster, but every court hearing opens those same wounds again. It's like the worst joke you've ever pulled. Part of me is still waiting for you to pop out from somewhere and say, "Shame, got ya."
I hope you're having the time of your forever with Koro and Nanny Shirley. I hope you're hanging out with us on the days we're all together, and especially on the days we miss you more than usual. I hope you're still watching your nephews and niece as they grow.
I love you, little soldier.
Now I'll wipe these tears from my face before people think I have feelings...
Gross. ❤️
