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Bernard LeCox Reviews, Swansea (2026)

12/04/2026

Oh my dearest readers, fans and detractors,

You wouldn't believe the last week I’ve had! I took a fall and had a head injury. Don’t worry, no damage done, and my brain is fine. I’d have to have landed on my arse to hurt my brain.

As a result, I am combining part 2 and part 3 of the Swansea Food and Drink Festival into this one post so I can get back on schedule!

3) Thai Flavours - Hot Honey Chicken Noodles - I was once a teacher in Thailand (then Siam), where Yul Brynner and I fell in love, and I became his queen... good times...

We rounded the corner to see a school choir singing (I am not going to critique a children's choir. I may be mad, but I’m not a monster) when we spotted Thai Flavours. I adore Thai food. It’s the perfect blend of umami, spicy, and sweet!

I perused the menu and settled on the Hot Honey Chicken with veg fried noodles. The price: £12.

Listen, folks, for me this was the high point of the festival. It was so good.

Loads of noodles, which were cooked perfectly in these well-worn woks. The chicken on top was generous, juicy, and kicked a very good punch.

Top notch.

I barely had a mouthful before Maxwell had a try, and she ran off screaming down the street like Gollum from Lord of the Rings, shouting “My Precious!” and shovelling the food down as she did.

Thai Flavours (5/5) - I fell in love with this place like Yul Brynner fell in love with me.

4) Mr Dumpling and Bao Bun - Pulled Beef Teriyaki Bao Bun - I took a Dump(ling) earlier that probably tasted better than this Bao Bun.

After I managed to recapture Maxwell, who had decided to hide in Swansea Marina and disguised herself as a Humpback Whale, we got back to the food festival. I decided to try some more Asian cuisine.

I have had bao buns in the past. They are generally hot, steamy, and packed with flavourful fillings... this one wasn’t any of those things.

The bun itself was stone cold, chewy, and very dense. It stuck to my teeth and the roof of my mouth like peanut butter. It tasted of absolutely nothing.

The pulled beef teriyaki was bitter and very salty (bit like some of the places I have reviewed! Alright, Loaf, how’s it hanging? Ponty Inn, you doing well? Miss you both). It was also, at best, lukewarm.

The lettuce was yellow and discoloured, and the mayo (I assume it was mayo) tasted of absolutely nothing. The only fresh item was the spring onions. Maxwell tried a little, and we both concurred it was deeply unpleasant. I did try to complain, but they seemed uninterested. The cost: £8.50 not worth 85p.

Mr Dumpling and Bao Bun (1/5) - best part of this meal was dumping it into the bin!

5) Olive Corner Ltd - Chilli infused olives and mushroom and garlic olives - for the price they charged me for a box of olives, I could have moved to Italy and bought an olive grove!

This is going to be a shorter review. Maxwell had wandered off to buy dessert, and I was left outside Olive Corner Ltd.

The server was very rude and very pushy. When asked the price, he shrugged and said, “scales will tell.”

I got nervous when I saw an older lady order two slices of baklava and get charged £20!

For my olives and feta, I was charged £28. I had to have a sit down. This was nothing short of daylight robbery. No prices. No care. And, in checking reviews online, I’m not the only one they caught out.

Olive Corner Ltd (1/5) - the olives were great and very tasty; the server was a Mediterranean Dick Turpin.

6) Loaded Sausage Co - The Little O.G - All Heil The Sausage King!

The return of Cedric!

As Maxwell was still off debating the topic of dessert, I decided I needed to try and find something tasty to take the bitter taste out of my mouth after being ripped off.

I walked back up towards the stage and saw the stand of Loaded Sausage Co. Now these are what I call a sausage. Move out the way, junction; there’s a new stallion leg in town!

These beasts were two feet in length! Wow.

The owner and chef (whose name I stupidly failed to catch) was clearly very proud of his product. He bragged (as would I, given how good these were) about how he made the sausages himself, selected the meat cuts himself, and did the seasonings himself... he was a passionate guy with a clear love of his product!

As I had eaten quite a bit by this stage, I decided to go for the Little O.G with garlic onions. Cost: £8, which, for the quality of the bread and sausage, was a bargain!

I’ve had a lot of hotdogs in my life; these were by far the best I’ve ever had! The skin crunched, the juices burst, and the flavour was outstanding.

Loaded Sausage Co (5/5) - best hotdog I have ever had, bar none, to date. The sausage king for sure!

As I finished, I heard a shrill shriek from behind me.

“Not so fast!” a shrill voice cut through the air.

I sighed. I knew he’d be back. Cedric, the leopard-liking lunatic of Lebanon. The ginger-haired cat burglar of Cwmbran (he steals cat turd from litter boxes; I have no idea why).

“I am the sausage king. I am Cedric! Behold the sausage king,” he decreed to a befuddled crowd, wielding two large black puddings, with a whip on his waist made of a curly Cumberland sausage.

Boy... I don’t know what he’d been sniffing, but he’d sniffed a lot of it. Maybe that’s what he does with the cat turds?

“Cedric!” I called out.

It startled him, and he turned to face me.

“So you are the sausage king? Then become a sausage!”

I grabbed my magic wand, my LeCox, and cast a spell.

“Cumberland, Cumberland, bangers and mash! That crazy nutter, turn him into a hot hog!”

Cedric turned into a giant hotdog and fell onto the wet floor, squealing. Within seconds, a seagull swooped down and carried him off over the Quadrant Shopping Centre, followed by a group of very jealous gulls.

7) Choc Shop - Hot Raspberry Brownie with chocolate sauce and whipped cream - I used to run a croc shop that sold Crocs to crocodiles... nobody was snapping them up.

Maxwell returned to see a seagull carrying a squealing hot dog.

“Cedric?” she asked.

“Yep.”

Maxwell shrugged and laid down a brown box in front of me. I opened the box and was presented with a hot brownie, chocolate sauce, whipped cream, and raspberries.

This was excellent. The presentation left a little to be desired, but never judge a book by its cover. The brownie was hot. The chocolate sauce was rich. The raspberry was sharp and tangy. The whipped cream acted as a good palate cleanser.

The Choc Shop (5/5) - I’m not even a massive chocolate fan, and it was stunning. Really good.

And last, but certainly not least...

8) Cafe Cannoli - Chocolate, Hazelnut, and Lemon filled cannoli - holy moly, look at that cannoli!

This is the final chapter of my Swansea Food and Drink Festival review. Some of you are saying, “thank God.” Some of you probably tuned out. Others who made it to this point, congratulations—you have earned that sweet treat, drink, or other indulgence! Good on you, and thank you.

After finishing off the brownie, Maxwell put the last bag up on the table, pulled out a box, and presented me with three cannoli.

Maxwell once presented me with a box that turned out to be the Ark of the Covenant (I didn’t expect the Ten Commandments to be held in Tupperware, but there we go), and it melted off my face... Indiana Jones style... don’t worry... I got better!

I tried the chocolate first. Rich, dense, and freshly filled. Quality. Quality. Quality!

Maxwell had the lemon-filled one: light, airy, and super refreshing after all the food we ate today.

Finally, the hazelnut cannoli; again, impossible to fault it. These are very, very good cannoli!

Cafe Cannoli (5/5) - ending on a high note, these cannoli are a must for anyone at a fair.

This concludes my Swansea Food and Drink Festival. Maxwell and I couldn’t eat another morsel and could barely move as we left.

P.S. No Cedrics were harmed in the writing of these reviews... probably...

04/04/2026

Swansea Food and Drink Festival 3.9/5 (I rounded up my average mark across the nine vendors I tried) – I once tried to organise a food festival to bring peace amongst warring Amazonian tribes... I got nervous when they started pointing at me and then to a big pot above a fire... needless to say, I skiddadoodled out of there on my pogo stick as quickly as I could!

This is my first food and drink festival review. I thought I’d take the "adult toy" approach to food festivals... start small and then go big!

We arrived in Swansea dock via my nuclear submarine (one can’t be too careful in the current world). With me on this journey of discovery was my sister, Maxwell Murgatroid McGonical 3rd (a fat and very unconvincing transvestite who is a pretty convincing Freddie Mercury lookalike), and a new and dear friend, Chairman Colin DeClaptrap, a wild-haired, pencil-moustached fellow who resembles Gomez Addams after an electric shock (he sells second-hand dining furniture and insists on being called a Chairman).

As we marched into Swansea city centre, turning heads and confusing most of the population, we took in the sights of its so-called ‘gentrification’.
The people of Swansea are fantastic and have a relentless spirit, but the council have grand ideas with no clear timeframe for completions. Their timelines are like the shifting sands on the planet Slla-byd-nas, where the tide comes in and out at random. Slla-byd-nas, home to the crab people. Not a very forward-thinking society.

Rather sideways...

I digress...

On with the food!

The first place we came to was:

1) Sizzlers Prime Meat: Sausage Rolls – as a larger gentleman, I’m used to rummaging through rolls for a sausage...

Roll...

And these did not disappoint me.

Chairman Colin DeClaptrap, Murgatriod, and I were entranced by the sausage rolls as we tried the samples of the sauce and the sausages. The lamb sausage with Jack Daniels sauce, and also the mushroom sauce, were out-of-this-world good.

The gentleman behind the counter was thrilled to tell me about the quality of his meat—sausage meat. After the samples, we tried the:

Traditional sausage roll: this was absolutely banging. Best sausage I’ve put in my mouth for ages. Herby. Meaty. Thick. Bit like my ex. The pastry was flaky and tender.

The chilli sausage roll: punchy, sharp, and spicy. Meaty and of an excellent quality.

Pork, apple and crackling: now this was a game changer. Holy sausage God (I believe his name is Sooty), this was excellent. The flavour was next level.

After the final bite, Chairman Colin DeClaptrap exploded into a twelve-piece Chippendale dining suite. Must have been his allergies.

Sizzlers Prime Meats (5/5) – very good quality and very, very tasty.

2) Harry's Hog Roast and Caterers – the court proceedings during my last divorce turned into a hog roast, but Harry’s was tastier...

After an antique dealer came by and bought Chairman Colin DeClaptrap, it left me with a bit of cash in my pocket for the rest of the festival. Maxwell and I perused the different food on offer. It was then we saw: HOG ROAST.

I love a hog roast. One of my favourite foods. I ordered the food and had a conversation with the owners. They were telling me about the cost of a whole hog for a private event. I asked if they had ever done one for a Bar mitzvah or Ramadan. They said, oddly, not.

We waited for a few minutes, making idle chit-chat. They were cooking the fries fresh. They plopped (funny word) them into a cardboard container. They then topped them with pre-cut pork held in a bain-marie. This is where I have a problem. If I go for a hog roast, I want it cut fresh from the hog.

And before people start busting my balls over this, I have been to several non-food-related gatherings where that is exactly what you get. You see the spit-roasted hog and it’s carved fresh. Sitting in its own juices, it’s closer to pulled pork than a hog roast.

Then, without even consulting us, they loaded the fries and pork with nacho cheese and crispy onions. WHY!? I can’t be the only one who believes this is sacrilege. It’s got to be gravy, stuffing, and apple sauce.

Regardless, we carried on like a bird in flight. The young lady asked us what sauce we’d like on top. From the plethora offered, we settled on sweet chilli.

We waddled off to a bench to try the food.

It was tasty. The pork, which I was worried about, wasn’t dry and was absolutely packed with flavour. The nacho cheese sauce tasted of nothing. Maybe it added moisture? The fries were screaming for more salt. They tasted like standard frozen French fries. The only discernible, punchy flavour came from our choice of sweet chilli sauce.

Portion size was decent. The price was £10 for this. If I ordered this at a restaurant for £10, I’d be disappointed. But as a street food vendor at a festival, it was pleasant and filled a hole. Maxwell concurred with me.

Harry’s Hog Roast and Caterers – loaded fries (3.5/5) – good, but would be better with pork gravy, stuffing, and apple sauce, as opposed to the nacho cheese sauce the same colour as Donald Trump.

This concludes part 1 of this 3-part series. Stay tuned. The next two parts will be released tomorrow and Easter Monday, all willing! Take care, and may the ten Bernards bless every one of you.

27/03/2026

The Stables; I am, as many of you dear readers know, anything but stable… cockadoodledoo

This is not the review I had planned for my 100th review, but it is the review I got. Sadly, due to scheduling errors, I have been unable to get all of my family to the intended venue for my 100th.

This is one of the downsides of being an international, interdimensional man of mystery.

The name’s Cox. LeCox. Ian Fleming stole that line from me. I am actually responsible for several famous catchphrases and books: To Kill a Coxing Bird, stolen by Harper Lee. For Whom the Cox Tolls, swiped by Ernest Hemingway. Ten Little Cox Boys, pilfered by the hack writer Agatha Christie.

I digress…

I was in Ystradgynlais with my sister and partner in crime, Maxwell Murgatroid McGonigal 3rd (a fat and very unconvincing transvestite with a moustache like Tom Selleck). She was here to see the dentist. A horse dentist, as she doesn’t fit in a regular dentist’s chair.

As I waited for her, I walked around Ystradgynlais. I was going to go back and see my old friends at the Loaf but, as I didn’t have a year and a half to kill, I decided against it.

I crossed the road and walked up to the far end of town towards the Ynyscedwyn Arms when I noticed the ground shake. Vases fell from shelves, car alarms rang out, and birds flew away in terror.

“All sorted, Bernie!” Maxwell said as she came up behind me.

“All good?”

“All good, fancy lunch?”

I did, and we happened to be stood directly outside The Stables.

Visually, this is a stunning restaurant, with the river flowing beside it. The interior is very modern and fresh. It was extremely busy, which is a good sign. We went inside and up to the counter, told the young server that we’d be sat outside. Maxwell and I both dribbled at the sight of the doughnuts, which looked excellent. The server told us to sit down and she’d bring the menus out to us.

We sat down and read the menu. Lots of very appetising options on the brunch menu. But we both decided to have The Stables Breakfast.

A waitress came out to us and took our order. Maxwell mentioned she was cold, and the waitress said that a couple were just finishing up and she’d call us through when they cleaned the table down, which was very kind of her.

We sat for a few minutes. I watched the river flow. I saw a blue tit hunting on the water. I love t**s. Blue t**s, coal t**s, great t**s... I once said to Alan Titchmarsh…

Within about five minutes we were called through and sat down next to the window overlooking the river. The interior was very small but very fresh and modern. I imagine on a summer’s day the outside would be delightful.

After five minutes, our coffee arrived. I had a black Americano. Very tasty it was too. Freshly ground beans. Very good quality.

After ten minutes, our breakfasts arrived. Mine with poached eggs, Maxwell’s with scrambled eggs.

The presentation was amazing. Really pretty plate of food. I’ll break the meal down:

The bacon was thick and of good quality, but there was only one piece of back bacon. The sausage was also of good quality and better than your standard breakfast sausage, but it was on the small side; not the fifth leg of a stallion you get in the Junction Café. Four cherry tomatoes cooked perfectly; soft but firm, full of flavour. Two poached eggs and a sprinkling of chives; one was runny and perfect, the other one was on the turn between soft and hard. One slice of sourdough toast; again, it was a small slice. The beans were your standard beans and they were served in a tiny pot, no bigger than a shot glass. Again, very small portion.

One packet of Anchor butter, thoroughly melted. Literally, I poured it onto my bread rather than spread it.

The quality of everything was second to none. It was all very good. There just wasn’t enough of it. This, with coffee, was £14.75. This isn’t really going to fill you up for a day’s work, in truth.
I liked everything, but for that price I want more. Two bacon, two sausage, and two pieces of toast.

Like Noah’s Ark; two by two.

The Stables (3.75/5) very good quality, just lacking in quantity.

21/03/2026

Miller and Carter; all fur coat and no knickers?

Cedric (you may remember him from such reviews as the Pontardawe Inn, which went well...) the platypus-pelting pervert of Porthmadog, invited me to dinner. A peacemaking opportunity. A change of tone for that ginger, frilly-knickered nutter.

I was stuck in traffic on the way to the restaurant. Satan himself probably made the current traffic situation. It is no word of a lie that there were over 200 cars stuck in line due to a very poorly managed traffic control system.
Some people had made camp on the road to the restaurant. I felt my life slip away. The Loaf may have been able to serve me one course in the time the traffic took!

Why didn't I teleport I hear you cry? My magic wand was in for an M.O.T.T (Maintenance of Teleport Test).

I was hungrier than a mosquito on a mannequin, and looking forward to some really good steak!

I arrived at the restaurant and was welcomed by Charlotte (something along those lines anyway) and she welcomed me warmly. She escorted me to the table where Cedric was sitting.
I arrived at the table opposite Cedric and his mother…

I had always assumed he had been born of a primordial slime… but no… he had been born of a monster called McGoatus. A creature with skin like leather and teeth like the lost love child of Janet Street-Porter and Ken Dodd.

I sat down.

We ordered the Butcher’s Box sharer between the two of us. And for £82+ this was a massive rip-off, I’m not going to lie.

The bone with beef brisket was weirdly sweet. The rump was tough; I could have used it to make elastic for a bungee jump. The fillet was very tender, as was the sirloin. These for me were the highlight of the meal. I wish I'd just ordered the fillet in all honesty as it was stunning.

Peppercorn sauce tasted processed, had an odd tang to it. The marrow sauce was okay but nothing exceptional.

I tried to enjoy my meal but Cedric made me feel sick. He looked at me…

He said this meal was a 10. I argued it was a 7 at best (especially after a wait of nearly an hour). I mean, a steak cooked medium rare should never take that long… unless the chef had to go out into a local field with a cleaver to catch the cow... possible but improbable.

I gazed at Cedric… eyes seething… he promised me decent food…

“You swine!” I decreed.

“You long-haired weirdo,” he snapped.

We started fighting. We threw fists, knocking the dust off the poorly maintained light shades, flinging the stale food from beneath the table with our kicks, chipped plates were thrown asunder, and a small bob cat called Gerald that lives in my trouser pocket escaped and mauled the chef... it was chaos!

I eventually defeated Cedric and his mother by pinning them to the ground and teleporting them to the village of Twatt on the Orkneys Isle.

Did I enjoy my meal? That's actually tricky. Yes and no. Some cuts were truly excellent and I can't fault them. Others were not fit for a dog's dinner. For £82+ you'd expect excellence. Not glimpses of brilliance amongst mediocrity

Miller and Carter (3.5/5); good but not mind blowingly great.

P.S

This is actually my 99th review! Hard to believe actually. For my 100th review I am going back to the place that strengthened my resolve to write these reviews. See you next week!

May the ten Bernards bless you all and protect your families with love and kindness,

Bernard LeCox

13/03/2026

The Clock Works, tick tock, I was a bomb disposal expert in WW1 and I had my arms and legs blown off… don’t worry, I got better…

I was in Tesco doing my shopping (89 cucumbers, 67 bottles of Caesar Salad dressing and one tube of Preparation H… good weekend to be had by all…) and decided I was very hungry. A meal deal wasn’t what I fancied, so I took a step outside and looked around and noticed “The Clockworks".

Typically, I have a reaction to a Marston’s pub (especially after the Pontardawe Inn), so my expectations were low.

I swaggared into the pub and noticed they had a chef's special. £9.99 for a sirloin steak meal. I had to try it.

I waited for about 20 minutes before my meal arrived which gave me time to contimplate life and the world in general... after just three seconds I went to the bar and ordered a scotch. Crickey the world is rough right now! Bombings in Iran and the middle east. Petrol prices higher than Snoop Dogg. Weather so biblically bad I'm seriousely considering building an ark!

Jeez, at this rate I'm routing for an apocolypse!

I digress...

After several doubles to steady my nerves, my meal arrived. Look folks, for £9.99 my meal was excellent (peppercorn sauce was an added extra). For the price I paid, I couldn’t expect better. Was it the best steak in the world?… No… Was it the tastiest steak I’ve ever had?… No… Was it value for money?… Absolutely yes!

Tender beef, good chips, good onion rings, lovely fried button mushrooms, decent sauce (I am aware the chips, onion rings and peas were cooked from frozen) but it was all decent. Was it worth £9.99? 100%.

Recommend it at that price to anyone.

The Clockworks (4/5): very good value and very tasty.

P.S I did have a very good weekend...

07/03/2026

The return to the George the 4th. Like a bad penny or a herpes sore, I came back!

Last time I arrived, when the previous owners had the George, via canoe due to my white water rafting adventures in the river Twrch. Today I am more mature. More developed. More cultured (in the same way you culture cheese… I have some blue bits…)

So, I returned to the George this time via stealth bomber. I was teaching the UK air force how to avoid detection. I am a master of stealth.

“They seek him here, they seek him there.
Those Frenchies seek him everywhere.
Is he in heaven or is he in hell?
That damned elusive Pimpernel!”

Bernard LeCox LePimpernel, was going well until they cut my head off... I got better!

The air force and I were on a stealth bombing mission (practice only). Very unfortunately, very sadly and totally by accident (allegedly) I was loaded into the missile dock and was blasted out (same speed and velocity as your p**p if you ate a dodgy kebab the night before) as a test fire.

I landed, to my surprise, in Cwmtwrch right outside the George 4th. New management? Hope the standards are the same.

I walked in the door with no reservation. The waitress was rather confused as to why I was dressed like a flamingo. I explained it was a story too complex to explain but had something to do with the air force.

I sat down and asked for the carvery. Can you call yourself British if you don’t like a carvery?

I was dressed to impress, wearing my best flamingo feather onesie. I had to peel sooooo many flamingos to make it.

I walked up to the station and asked for a bit of everything meat-wise. It was turkey and beef that day. Unlike in the Margam Deer, the portions were very generous. Plus this server didn’t look as glower; he’d be welcome in my bed any time.

I had my meat and heaped my vegetables, and I’ll say, it’s very good, if not better than before. The carvery is excellent and I’d recommend it to anyone who asked.

The meat was tender and flavourful. The veg was cooked perfectly. Parsnips are always a favourite and they were perfect. The roast spuds were crispy and extra fluffy. The gravy was fresh and handmade. Seasoning was absolutely spot on! Superb.

This paragraph is dedicated solely to the yorkshire puddings. Absolutely banging. Fluffy. Crispy and capable of holding large amounts of gravy and stuffings! Bit like me....

The return to George 4th (5/5); excellent, keep up the good work.

02/03/2026

The Loaf, Ystradgynlais; the loaf in this instance took so long to serve me I baked a loaf, let it go mouldy, and rediscovered penicillin…

I have developed, rather excitingly, a real hoverboard. It is still in its infancy, but I’m getting there. I hopped on last week and it flung me 70 feet into the air. I landed and broke my legs… I got better… quickly…

I was hovering around and above Ystrad and I spotted my sister, Maxwell Murgatroid McGonigal the 3rd (a very fat and unconvincing transvestite). Fun fact: she is the only object that can be seen from the International Space Station, such is her girth. I flew down and things went badly wrong. I crash-landed through the roof of Picton’s and destroyed the kitchen… causing at least 50p of damage.

I brushed the dust off my shoulders and walked out the front door to see my sister.

“Alright, Bernie, hoverboarding again?”
I rolled my eyes in response.

“Fancy lunch?” Maxwell asked.

“Yeah, I could eat,” I smiled.

We looked around the street and stumbled across The Loaf.

We walked inside and a kind old gentleman offered us his seat as he was leaving and the café was packed.

We sat down and the waitress was attentive and very good.

We ordered the specials of the day: a chicken pie and chips with gravy and, my favourite, lasagne.
We waited, first passing the time with pleasant discourse. Then with disdain for one another. Then with a joyous realisation that Cedric is a prat.

From ordering to delivery, I had transformed from Bilbo Baggins to Gandalf. My hair had turned from brown to white and my beard had grown 12 inches.

One hour and ten minutes we waited. I could have cooked a lasagne in the same time, and when the food arrived I was very disappointed.
The lasagne was made the day before and frozen in batches. The sheets held no structure. The ragu tasted as though it was from a jar and the béchamel sauce was bland and tasteless.
The pie was served and, my Lord… a Pukka Pie is of better quality. If there was chicken in there, you’d need a microscope to find it. Also, why in the name of all that is holy would you put beef (Bisto instant) gravy onto a chicken and cream pie unless you were a bit mental? Something I’d know a little bit about…

In all, this food was below average, the speed of service was slower than Donald Trump, and the quality was far below par.

The Loaf (2/5); the two is because at least the food was hot.

(96)

01/03/2026

The Margam Deer; I tried it and it was rather reasonable. Not deer at all…

Yawn noise; must have been a moment since I last posted. Life gets in the way, especially when you are fighting the intergalactic evil known as Cedric… he tried to conquer and colonise the armadillo people of Plomp 3, only to be beaten off by their surprising artillery of potato-firing catapults… weird but true… ish…

I was in Sandfields for a day out with my sister, Maxwell Murgatroid McGonigal 3rd (a fat and very unconvincing transvestite). We were sightseeing. Trust me, in Sandfields, the people are the most interesting sights to be seen.

I saw one man with a pigeon nesting in the hair on his head. He was rummaging through a Greggs dustbin looking for crumbs to feed his pigeon… we watched in amazement for several minutes.

After time had passed and we (by which I mean the perpetually hungry Maxwell) decided we needed to eat, we thought about KFC, but that was boring. So Maxwell powered up her mobile stationary exercise bike and we powered on down the street and stumbled upon The Margam Deer and their sign… carvery every day…

Tempting…

We parked up and went inside. Maxwell sat on the benches to the right as we walked in (the only seat large enough for her to fit) and I decided to place our order. Two standard carveries.

It cost £9.99, which seemed like the bargain of the century.

Maxwell and I stood up and walked to the carvery counter. A small Japanese family shouted “Godzilla!” as the building shook when Maxwell walked.

“They are looking at me, Bernie,” Maxwell said.

“Nah. You’re fine,” I told Maxwell.

I handed the server our receipt (which included an extra pigs in blanket). He looked at us and walked to the kitchen and brought out a plate of very sorry-looking pigs in blankets. Paler than a ginger.

We grabbed our plates and the server slapped out his sausage (get your mind out of the gutter) onto the plate. He proceeded to cut our trimmings. I must confess to his skill. I have never seen someone cut a joint that thinly before. You could have used it as window glass.
He served us; “disgruntled” was the look on his face. We helped ourselves to vegetables.
Maxwell and I took our plates back to our table and tucked in.

Was it the best carvery I have ever had? Absolutely not. Was it tasty? It absolutely was. Was it value for money? Yes, probably…
I cleared my plate for sure.

The Margam Deer (3/5); cheap and affordable, yet tasty.

(95)

Bernard LeCox Reviews

12/04/2026

04/04/2026

27/03/2026

21/03/2026

13/03/2026

07/03/2026

02/03/2026

01/03/2026

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